I'M STAYING!!!!!

I am moving to my wonderful dear darling friend J's house, where wireless internet flows like milk and honey. Hooray, I say; Hooray!

Sorry about the brevity, but lots still to do...But I will NOT, reapeat NOT, be leaving Blogdom. SQUEE!

...you know the rest.

It's all come down to this: An empty flat, with drifts of my stuff piled erratically. I sit on the floor, huddled over my laptop, which glows blue in the dusk. It's so...empty.

This is what happens when you procrastinate.

I have nowhere to go...and no way to get there. No boxes to pack this crud. I may have to abandon some stuff in the dumpster here - Even though I love it. What to do? Where to go?

What I find the REAL kicker is that my wireless generator will be gone - no more nightly Blogdom escape. No emotional assuagement, no more being heard and appreciated. All my friends, so close and yet unreachable...I'm going to miss this so much.

Yes, I'm crying.

I didn't know how much I needed this until faced with the prospect of being without it. People I care about SO MUCH - Rich, Sherry, Brian, and all - and the great online personalities I've met - Edna, both Judes, Alyred, Enzo, and my dear, sweet Dink...You make me laugh in a sad and lonely world. I'm going to miss you...

Hopefully, it won't be forever; I will find a home, and it will have wifi. But until then, please don't forget me...and no, Edna, I'm not dead. I will try as hard as I can to find my way back to Pooh Corner by one. In an age of contacts made and lost at the speed of light, I hope I'll linger - I ask it as a favor:

Leave me a place in your mind, a place for me to come back to.

It's a scary world, a big dragon I'm off to fight - but I'm not dead yet. Remember me.

Why the heck do movie actors have so much popularity? It's just a job, for Someone's sake. It isn't even that hard...

Okay, before you all lynch me, let me clarify; it isn't hard to be an actor today. You just need a lot of plastic surgery, some contacts, and a large-capacity bank account to put all the money in. Talent doesn't really come into it. Luck, maybe. Bribery of some sort, definitely. But talent? No.

There used to be a mandate (sorry, Insie) on talent in the acting business; in fact, most - okay, pretty much all - of the older actors of Holy Wood (w00t Terry Pratchett!) are incredibly talented. But while experience is invaluable in their profession, like many, what you really need to act is simply a gift. A talent for being able to completely change your persona; thoughts, actions, reactions, movements, mannerisms, and inflections. And then dismiss this new personality when it is no longer needed - and begin a new one. This sort of ability is built (usually) on a soul that doesn't have much definition on it's own...not being defined, they find it easy to pretend to have these definitions, because they pretend this very thing in their day-to-day lives. I find this...untrustworthy, to say the least.

Many (or possibly all) teens feel this way, but as we progress into adulthood, we develop a sense of who we are. Those who remain emotionally immature and unsure, unwilling to take that next step, frequently are marvelous acting material. But this does not make them better than we folk in the 9 to 5 jobs. On the contrary.

For long hours and stress, possible boredom and memorizing and parroting lines, these people are paid billions of dollars. We all put up with these things, in our home if not our professional life...I see no billions with my name written on top. Have we perhaps heard the phrase "The Undeserving Poor"? People like Dubya came up with it; it references those who don't deserve aid from their economic superiors. The drunks, the loonies, and the rebellious - I would say the druggies as well, but it has not been used in that way - this phrase has become out-of-date since it has been applied to entire (usually third-world) countries, not just individuals. These actors, I submit, are the "Undeserving Rich" - for some badly-spoken lines, in tired plots exercising the same stereotypes, these people live in a manner beyond all but our most covetuous dreams.

The attention these strangers recieve from the public at large is disturbing, and can border on fanaticism. Everyone knows their name, their astrological sign - which is another rant for anther time - and will actually read interviews of these people, who are still simply parroting lines that society has given them, in lieu of a director. Why on earth would you believe anything they say? Their profession is lying to you on an emotional level, trying to make you believe they feel what they don't.

I'm just frustrated, so I'm being mean - and I'm sorry. I never say I "like" or "hate" etc., an actor or singer, because I do not know them personally, and feel I cannot judge them. However, in my angry protestations, I am being hypocrite, and I acknowledge it - sorry I was so angry.

See you all tomorrow...

You guys are marvelous - playing to a small, select group of people brimming with mutual respect and camaraderie is just my ideal blog scenario, and you are part of that. Thank you, thank you. I am grateful, and hopefully that will make things stay as they are.

I may not visit your blogs in turn as often as I'd like - I barely have time to post as it is - but I make the effort, and love hearing your own stories and thoughts, not just the responses to mine...although I really get a kick out of those. :)

So, a great big mushy thanks to the gang who listens without scoffing, who guides without disparaging, and contributes without eclipsing my thoughts, fears, or opinions. You are all wonderful, and I count you as true friends, regardless of your presence in my physical life.

One of the many things I absolutely despise about RealWorld is that no one hears me. My curiously pitched voice goes to the background of any conversation. Here, I am heard - and that really saves me from the mad frustrations of day-to-day life. You can't control your government, your system, your peers, your world and its events - and then to not be heard in a group of friends makes you want to scream and never stop. Having you listen, here, in this place, keeps me from that scream. So....I guess, just one more time...thank you.